Constant New Beginnings

-->You carry what would be extra sets of clothing with you everywhere you go.  But they aren’t clothing at all, they are mental wardrobes for high endurance survival.  

What are these layers made of?  They are made of emotions and rational explanations of things, all skewed beyond recognition when harassment is underway, but to which you still refer as often as possible.   

Though you can’t be happy, you make yourself rehearse the behaviors of people who are happy.  You hope one day this nightmare will end.

I know I use the word a lot: pain.  I often wonder why I call it pain instead of torture. Losing your privacy is a very painful experience.

Being a sexual object under pressure of harassment is facing a beast for the first time, many times over.  Each encounter weighs heavier than the previous. Each one originates a new pattern.

Being censored is bad (that it brings me here to write)  -- losing your privacy is a horror.  Once lost, privacy is a privilege afforded according to wealth, status, and biology.

Survival is technological. It advances, develops tools, functions with predictable patterns, produces, and advances.

I’m presumed guilty of being a woman.

Hopeful messages and great writing become necessary nutrients for you.  

You gain a greater sense for a wider variety of language registers. Your memory is heightened. You calm yourself. You separate paranoia from reality, carefully, courageously.   

Once the episode has passed, you pick up where you last started (before being interrupted by harassers) and begin again and begin again.